wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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