And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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