I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
