I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
