Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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