don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
