Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
