Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
