Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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