How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
