By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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