well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
