Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
