guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
