After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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