Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize