If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
