you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
