I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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