I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm passing your future prison.
it's like iHOP with fire
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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