I molested 6 butterflies tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize