i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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