Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
