i permit you to call me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
