Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
