My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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