i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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