It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize