I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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