Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your penis caused this!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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