I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
