I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
