It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
