he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
