just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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