every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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