I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize