my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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