So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
