Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize