We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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