Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
