the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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