We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
