There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You don't make any sense
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