And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
