what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
