I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
