I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
