After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize