Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i will never coherently bang her
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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