Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
