I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
