dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
