there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
