I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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