So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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