Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize