it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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