If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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