I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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