I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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