She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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