I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
