Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize