omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
