Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
