I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They took my balls.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
