and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
