I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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