allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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